A journey of Life

The last 22 weeks or 5.5 months has been the most unfamiliar and familiar experience of my life. The ever similar pregnancy symptoms that take over my body instantly, is mixed in with new symptoms I have never experience. It’s like driving down that road you use to drive everyday,the bumps and turns are all still imprinted in your memory box however it looks so different with all the houses and new buildings. It’s a completely new experience with a familiar feel, comforting and exciting it releases all senses and feelings in your body. I went from the familiar head in the toilet everyday to the new need of hot sauce on everything. Every smell and taste brings an unexpected twist to my mouth keeping me wondering if tomorrow I will feel the same about it.
My body has kicked it’s memory into full steam ahead and decided to expand as soon as conception. I am taking by how fast my belly decided to show itself this time leaving no room for guessing, and how my boobs decided to follow. My ever expanding belly is a wonderment not only for myself but for the girls who are ever so intrigued with how mommy’s body can take that shape, and how a person can live in there. we are constantly tracking the babies development weekly and finding objects in the house that resemble his size. The girls keep the amazement so alive I feel as if this is my first time ever experiencing this incredible journey. I find myself more amazed with the whole process this time around then I have before. I am living it through the eyes and mind of a 7 and 5 year old and this is perhaps the most intriguing thing ever. I am still so amazed what the body can do in as little as 9 months , I mean we are such complex creatures created so quickly. The body is an incredible machine, we are incredible.
As I turn the corner to half way my emotions are running at rapid speeds, I’m balancing joy and excitement with the nerves of starting over. My capabilities are questioned, new life is about to be my responsibility again and the challenging task of teaching and supporting is represented in new form once again. However with every movement this little soul gives me, ever kick and flip, I am quickly brought back to the place of complete love and joy to be having this experience all over again. I am completely in love with every part of his journey and can’t wait for the next chapter, and to welcome our son into our perfect family to complete our puzzle.

America….Land of the stressful

The transition back into this life has been a lot harder then the transition into our Nica life. The realities of the American lifestyle is ridiculously hard to maintain and really a non-necessary stress in my life. I do not want to nor need to keep up with the Kardashians or neighbor money bags who just bought a brand new convertible mazaratti……. because you need one of those, especially in Bend, Oregon. The hustle and bustle of making enough money just to get food on the table is very straining. I miss the simplicity of everything, having less is way less stressful . Why would anyone want more stuff when all it brings is more stress and strain.
The fight to survive is taking it’s toll on us already. The once lost and forgotten about everyday stresses that occurred in our life and marriage is quickly creeping it’s way back into our lives. I find the struggle of having to make the money to eat the overly priced food is a very tiring battle I am constantly fighting, it’s like ground hound day, I wake up with a new plan every morning and somehow they all seem to backfire. Still somehow we seem to manage and pull thru and find ourselves on the succeeding end of the battle pole.
I know we will survive and everything we need will come to us. If we keep living our simple lives and minimizing the needs and wants the stresses and strains will not conquer, and we will flourish with our own riches of happiness and love. So to the Kardashians and money bag neighbors you can keep your new cars and fancy T.V’s and all the stresses that comes with them. I will gladly drive my 1979 volkswagen rabbit with the broken seats and cracked dash. I will eat my fridge empty before I go shopping. The only battle I care to fight is the one to keep our lives as simple and stress free as it was in Nicaragua.

Chaotic simplicity

I often find myself sitting in the rocking chair by the front window wall, watching life go by in my one street world, longing for what I know as “normalcy”. The smell of fast food chains, the sound of car stereo’s pumping thru your veins and conversations. The everyday shuffling thru the American lifestyle, the chaos of who has what and why, and the intoxicating desire to need something better…..normalcy.
The smell of salt in the air, the sound of the ocean slapping, the cows and horses that walk the beach and down the road, this is my normal now. As I settle deeper and deeper I can feel myself sinking into the Nica life, becoming part of the small community. My once normal life is becoming the abnormal life, it all seems so foreign to me. I once craved the simple life and I now crave the chaotic one, always chasing those cravings, chasing satisfaction, will i ever feel completely satisfied, is it possible for both desires to be met.
The craving of chaos but the desire of simplicity, it’s the ultimate balancing act, just enough of each to keep you level. Just enough to keep each craving satisfied. Pure chaotic simplicity, sounds perfect.